Saddened

Yesterday night for some bizarre reason Kenny called me last night. no way in HECK was I going to answer that phone call. That tinny reminder of them was not a happy one in my time here were I was trying to be happy... Well I mean things haven't been sunshine and sprinkles either.

I mean I had hopped to spend time with at least a few friends on one on. Laurie had texted me about eating dinner Thursday night but when Thursday came around I never got a call or a text or anything.... I didn't know when to eat or where to go. Also that night I'd tried to spend time with Zack. See his knew place and that kind of thing. But he brushed me off for errands and had said he would try to contact me after 8. At 9 I sent him a text asking if he was home and done with errands. I never got a message back.

I contacted DANI and she said she couldn't go to the party this Saturday when I tried to ask her any day we could hang out outside of Saturday she never responded. Steve sent me a text asking when to hang out, I gave her times that I was free but again I never heard from her. *sigh* I saw Mike Kenning Thursday night at the Movie night over here and I haven't really heard from him since. *sigh*

Yesterday mike was yelling at me to shut up and that I was annoying him when he asked me a question and I tried to answer it. So I started crying after the convo about how I hate it when he does that. Um... then last night while playing Twilight Imperium.... Eh... Tara was being more than a little mean and I didn't take it well. I said I was done got up and walked out the door.

For a while I considered disappearing and never coming back. That way I wouldn't have to go to Florida and I could stay and die in a place I loved. I also thought how Immature and stupid I was and how no one was going after me. Just keep playing the game. That wasn't the case but... *shrug* Mike had explained to Tara how I felt as if she was picking on me. Jeff and Danielle suggested it was Preggy Hormones. Either way Danielle and Mike went looking for me. So that made me happy. I gave Tara a hug before we left.

Now that I'm awake and here... well I fear that no one will be here at 7 tonight. I mean it's Heathers Party technically and like everyone goes to those if they can make it. At least they did before I left... I don't know how things are now. I've got the same fears that my mother often has when she puts on parties. And I'm not even planning anything. I just have this HUGE fear that no one is going to come because no one cares... Alright I should stop for now... Get my drink and take a nice long relaxing bath. You know the thing I don't get to do very often.