I can't really tell you why but I always end up in tears when I talk about god to others... I suppose in a way I'm a little jealous of others who have BIG personal experiences with god, where they see an angel or... something... I mean.. me? Nothing. Makes me think sometimes that compared to others... well you know. I'm not as important. It's hard on me when people tell me that God has good things in store for me...
It's hard to believe, I came here because I felt god had told me to... tell the truth I did think that I was going to end up pregnant when I came here. Have a child that would mean much more to god and his ministry then I ever will be...
Is it sad that sometimes I feel like god just sent me down here to abandon? that he had nothing of use for me and wanted to get rid of me. That's why I've been struggling day by day for everything. For a job, for a home... dealing with being bullied left and right from one person after the other. My health has been getting steadily worse as I get older. I used to never be sick for all that long when I was a child and now I can never get this cough out of my lungs. it takes months before I can stop coughing.
my diet and my health is horrible for my child... and then all this cig smoke that I've had to suffer through almost since the day I moved down to Florida... I'm afraid for my lungs AND my baby.
Lately we've been trying to get a place to live in. We've really wanted to move into a rent to own trailer for the longest time. and finally a man named Junior is selling this three bedroom, two bath, double wide trailer opened up. for 675$ a month. We jumped at the chance, especially after we checked the place out. but it looks like it's not going to happen, which is pretty saddening.
But the guy who is moving into the trailer we really wanted, is moving out of a place that is nearer where we live now, it's a single wide two bedroom one bath trailer for 229.49$ a month. MUCH more easily affordable even IF I loose my unemployment. *Cross fingers* if we get food stamps and medicaid then it would be even easier to afford this place. And then we can always move out.
But... I just... I've gotten so used to being hurt and nothing going right. I want to believe that God is looking out for us. That we can get insurance and new tags on the car for not too much. that we can find and get applied for the programs that would help us make it through everything that's been causing us to struggle so badly. Like the medical bills I owe.
it's always been one emergency after the other. Me trying to kill myself, going to my grandparents 50th anniversary and visiting with my family. Which cost us over 650$ dollars, not including gas and food.
Too bad it looks like mike is almost immediately going to say no because he wants a place closer to his friends. *sigh* ... I just... can't win...
Does god even love me anymore?
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
things looking up?
It could be good or bad that things look like they are starting to look up. My hopes are certainly up though, the thought of being able to move out for one, hoping that we get Medicaid and food stamps is another big hope. because without it I don't have any idea how I'm going to be able to have the baby... Big medical bills... and... a baby on the way... she/he is already almost 3 months along now... okay now I'm getting teary eyed worrying about the baby and how we'll be okay if things don't go through...
I'm trying to look towards the good.. hoping that we get medicaid that we get the food stamps... and I'm hoping and praying that we'll be able to get the trailer. Both of us are more than ready to get out, away from the room mates who are always smoking cigs and pot and I don't want that anywhere near my baby. the cig smoke is dangerous for her health and the pot smoke... they don't know yet so I'd rather be safe than sorry.
Just the thought of not getting the trailer or anywhere else to move too. Being stuck here with the baby getting hurt more and more by the Douche bags that live here. Being stuck by myself in this tiny room while I give birth and having the baby die because there's nothing I can do... heck I might bleed to death too... not a good thought... I'm more worried about the baby dieing though...
alright... one the bright side. Things DO look up. I've been told it's almost an instant YES to at least medicaid if you are pregnant. I think about the same thing for food stamps. and with both of those if we move into the trailer it'll be even easier for us to pay rent. With 200 to 300$ saved thanks to food stamps then we can put that aside into savings for moving back home. or for emergencies. the place would be 675$ after utilities we could pay half to the park owners and the other half to the owner of the trailer some time within the month. Making it MUCH easier for us to afford the place. And everyone tells us the park owner is willing to work with people to pay off the down payment over time instead of all right away. Another great thing.
Also if we decide to fill one of the bedrooms with a room mate. Hopefully some one who's pretty quiet and keeps to themselves for the most part. But pays like... 200 or 300$ a month. well we would EASILY be able to afford rent with a room mate and food stamps. yah?
I still think it would pretty cool if we could move out around the same time as Alicia. Hm? then I guess Tina and Kenny would have to shove most of their stuff into their room, I suppose the rest would go in here. doesn't matter to me though since I wouldn't be living here anymore. YAY! I'd been dreaming a little last night about what it would be like to own the place. Fixing up some of the stuff we wanted to fix up. Like putting up the roof over the deck and then putting up screening all around with two screen doors. Mike and I both think it'd be awesome if we could let CK out there sometimes. She'd be outside but at the same time... not. ^^ coolies
if we really wanted we could lock the screen doors and leave our door open so lots of cool air comes in from outside... like during the winter times or later at night. when we don't want the AC to be working too hard. yah? Or when friends come over they can stand out there on the deck, we could game there and stuff. it'd be pretty cool.
So here's praying, crossing my fingers and hoping that things go through. We've done all that we can so far. Now we just have to wait and see what happens. Trust in god to make things work out.
I'm trying to look towards the good.. hoping that we get medicaid that we get the food stamps... and I'm hoping and praying that we'll be able to get the trailer. Both of us are more than ready to get out, away from the room mates who are always smoking cigs and pot and I don't want that anywhere near my baby. the cig smoke is dangerous for her health and the pot smoke... they don't know yet so I'd rather be safe than sorry.
Just the thought of not getting the trailer or anywhere else to move too. Being stuck here with the baby getting hurt more and more by the Douche bags that live here. Being stuck by myself in this tiny room while I give birth and having the baby die because there's nothing I can do... heck I might bleed to death too... not a good thought... I'm more worried about the baby dieing though...
alright... one the bright side. Things DO look up. I've been told it's almost an instant YES to at least medicaid if you are pregnant. I think about the same thing for food stamps. and with both of those if we move into the trailer it'll be even easier for us to pay rent. With 200 to 300$ saved thanks to food stamps then we can put that aside into savings for moving back home. or for emergencies. the place would be 675$ after utilities we could pay half to the park owners and the other half to the owner of the trailer some time within the month. Making it MUCH easier for us to afford the place. And everyone tells us the park owner is willing to work with people to pay off the down payment over time instead of all right away. Another great thing.
Also if we decide to fill one of the bedrooms with a room mate. Hopefully some one who's pretty quiet and keeps to themselves for the most part. But pays like... 200 or 300$ a month. well we would EASILY be able to afford rent with a room mate and food stamps. yah?
I still think it would pretty cool if we could move out around the same time as Alicia. Hm? then I guess Tina and Kenny would have to shove most of their stuff into their room, I suppose the rest would go in here. doesn't matter to me though since I wouldn't be living here anymore. YAY! I'd been dreaming a little last night about what it would be like to own the place. Fixing up some of the stuff we wanted to fix up. Like putting up the roof over the deck and then putting up screening all around with two screen doors. Mike and I both think it'd be awesome if we could let CK out there sometimes. She'd be outside but at the same time... not. ^^ coolies
if we really wanted we could lock the screen doors and leave our door open so lots of cool air comes in from outside... like during the winter times or later at night. when we don't want the AC to be working too hard. yah? Or when friends come over they can stand out there on the deck, we could game there and stuff. it'd be pretty cool.
So here's praying, crossing my fingers and hoping that things go through. We've done all that we can so far. Now we just have to wait and see what happens. Trust in god to make things work out.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Saddened
Yesterday night for some bizarre reason Kenny called me last night. no way in HECK was I going to answer that phone call. That tinny reminder of them was not a happy one in my time here were I was trying to be happy... Well I mean things haven't been sunshine and sprinkles either.
I mean I had hopped to spend time with at least a few friends on one on. Laurie had texted me about eating dinner Thursday night but when Thursday came around I never got a call or a text or anything.... I didn't know when to eat or where to go. Also that night I'd tried to spend time with Zack. See his knew place and that kind of thing. But he brushed me off for errands and had said he would try to contact me after 8. At 9 I sent him a text asking if he was home and done with errands. I never got a message back.
I contacted DANI and she said she couldn't go to the party this Saturday when I tried to ask her any day we could hang out outside of Saturday she never responded. Steve sent me a text asking when to hang out, I gave her times that I was free but again I never heard from her. *sigh* I saw Mike Kenning Thursday night at the Movie night over here and I haven't really heard from him since. *sigh*
Yesterday mike was yelling at me to shut up and that I was annoying him when he asked me a question and I tried to answer it. So I started crying after the convo about how I hate it when he does that. Um... then last night while playing Twilight Imperium.... Eh... Tara was being more than a little mean and I didn't take it well. I said I was done got up and walked out the door.
For a while I considered disappearing and never coming back. That way I wouldn't have to go to Florida and I could stay and die in a place I loved. I also thought how Immature and stupid I was and how no one was going after me. Just keep playing the game. That wasn't the case but... *shrug* Mike had explained to Tara how I felt as if she was picking on me. Jeff and Danielle suggested it was Preggy Hormones. Either way Danielle and Mike went looking for me. So that made me happy. I gave Tara a hug before we left.
Now that I'm awake and here... well I fear that no one will be here at 7 tonight. I mean it's Heathers Party technically and like everyone goes to those if they can make it. At least they did before I left... I don't know how things are now. I've got the same fears that my mother often has when she puts on parties. And I'm not even planning anything. I just have this HUGE fear that no one is going to come because no one cares... Alright I should stop for now... Get my drink and take a nice long relaxing bath. You know the thing I don't get to do very often.
I mean I had hopped to spend time with at least a few friends on one on. Laurie had texted me about eating dinner Thursday night but when Thursday came around I never got a call or a text or anything.... I didn't know when to eat or where to go. Also that night I'd tried to spend time with Zack. See his knew place and that kind of thing. But he brushed me off for errands and had said he would try to contact me after 8. At 9 I sent him a text asking if he was home and done with errands. I never got a message back.
I contacted DANI and she said she couldn't go to the party this Saturday when I tried to ask her any day we could hang out outside of Saturday she never responded. Steve sent me a text asking when to hang out, I gave her times that I was free but again I never heard from her. *sigh* I saw Mike Kenning Thursday night at the Movie night over here and I haven't really heard from him since. *sigh*
Yesterday mike was yelling at me to shut up and that I was annoying him when he asked me a question and I tried to answer it. So I started crying after the convo about how I hate it when he does that. Um... then last night while playing Twilight Imperium.... Eh... Tara was being more than a little mean and I didn't take it well. I said I was done got up and walked out the door.
For a while I considered disappearing and never coming back. That way I wouldn't have to go to Florida and I could stay and die in a place I loved. I also thought how Immature and stupid I was and how no one was going after me. Just keep playing the game. That wasn't the case but... *shrug* Mike had explained to Tara how I felt as if she was picking on me. Jeff and Danielle suggested it was Preggy Hormones. Either way Danielle and Mike went looking for me. So that made me happy. I gave Tara a hug before we left.
Now that I'm awake and here... well I fear that no one will be here at 7 tonight. I mean it's Heathers Party technically and like everyone goes to those if they can make it. At least they did before I left... I don't know how things are now. I've got the same fears that my mother often has when she puts on parties. And I'm not even planning anything. I just have this HUGE fear that no one is going to come because no one cares... Alright I should stop for now... Get my drink and take a nice long relaxing bath. You know the thing I don't get to do very often.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Home at last!
Okay so it's Thursday and I've actually been in Washington since Tuesday. But I hadn't gotten a real chance to get onto a computer until just now. Yay for PC's! also yay for Heather kindly letting mike and I use the guest room... THAT HAS IT"S OWN BATHROOM! oooo that is such a treat. he he. ^_^
Anyways so... we've been pretty busy for the most part which makes both mike and I pretty worn out and tired. ~.~ we went to bed WAY to early yesterday... and of course woke up very early today because of it. But that's fine. The night before last we spent the night at my grandparents place, my grandpa let us sleep in his bed. It's a little wibbly wobbly.... so I can understand why he'd rather sleep in the craft room instead of his own room. Meh.
... Ahhh I just remember... when I looked out the window of the airplane and I saw the familiar tree's and lush green landscape my heart soared, my spirits lifted and I felt deeply happy inside... Though I want to cry at the thought of going back to Florida. Here everything is so nice, lush, green, cool, tons of friends and family who care and love me. Back in Florida it's dusty, hot, dirty and grimy and I have little to no friends while living in a dump with Druggies as room mates. I still wish that Mikes dad would just kick the lazy bums out.
I'm not saying that I don't want to move out of there... because I do. But if they were gone it would certainly make living there much more bearable... and the house would actually stay clean once and a while. With Alicia leaving in May, if those two left as well then Mike and I could take her room, there would be less electricity being used in the house, smaller electric bill... and it would be easier for all of us all around. Mike could borrow his dad's car to get to work while we fixed his car and got it sold. I would finally get a job and I could happily come home...
To tell the truth when I did have a job I didn't really want to go home. I didn't want to face the people and the mess inside. Also if those druggies left I'd get dog liners... er... forget what they're called but you put them on the floor in a certain place and the dog learns to only poo or pee there. You praise them when they do and punish them when they don't. It prevents the place from stinking up too much. Plus Stormy would be gone so he wouldn't be pissing on everything all the time. CK would still have to stay just in our room since she doesn't understand that Baby girl isn't actually trying to kill her.
I'm sure people aren't enjoying the loud sound of all my typing so I'm just going to go for now... Bye bye!
IT"S SO GOOD TO BE HOME!
Anyways so... we've been pretty busy for the most part which makes both mike and I pretty worn out and tired. ~.~ we went to bed WAY to early yesterday... and of course woke up very early today because of it. But that's fine. The night before last we spent the night at my grandparents place, my grandpa let us sleep in his bed. It's a little wibbly wobbly.... so I can understand why he'd rather sleep in the craft room instead of his own room. Meh.
... Ahhh I just remember... when I looked out the window of the airplane and I saw the familiar tree's and lush green landscape my heart soared, my spirits lifted and I felt deeply happy inside... Though I want to cry at the thought of going back to Florida. Here everything is so nice, lush, green, cool, tons of friends and family who care and love me. Back in Florida it's dusty, hot, dirty and grimy and I have little to no friends while living in a dump with Druggies as room mates. I still wish that Mikes dad would just kick the lazy bums out.
I'm not saying that I don't want to move out of there... because I do. But if they were gone it would certainly make living there much more bearable... and the house would actually stay clean once and a while. With Alicia leaving in May, if those two left as well then Mike and I could take her room, there would be less electricity being used in the house, smaller electric bill... and it would be easier for all of us all around. Mike could borrow his dad's car to get to work while we fixed his car and got it sold. I would finally get a job and I could happily come home...
To tell the truth when I did have a job I didn't really want to go home. I didn't want to face the people and the mess inside. Also if those druggies left I'd get dog liners... er... forget what they're called but you put them on the floor in a certain place and the dog learns to only poo or pee there. You praise them when they do and punish them when they don't. It prevents the place from stinking up too much. Plus Stormy would be gone so he wouldn't be pissing on everything all the time. CK would still have to stay just in our room since she doesn't understand that Baby girl isn't actually trying to kill her.
I'm sure people aren't enjoying the loud sound of all my typing so I'm just going to go for now... Bye bye!
IT"S SO GOOD TO BE HOME!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Webcomics?
I suppose I can't blame Mike, after reading a long and very successful webcomic he's got this idea in his mind that we'll make a webcomic and take off just like that Artist. That's not always true. Yes you do need advertising that's one big thing about getting your comic well known...
eh... I guess I can give mike some credit that if it's not JUST me doing EVERYTHING... the HTML, the story lines, the drawing, the advertising... Trust me a webcomic is not as easy as it sounds by yourself. Specially if you're going to try and get it done on time...
So what he wants to do is restart Graveyard shift. I'm a bit open to the idea... one I'd need to change the name a little... to something like "Graveyard shift: ZOMBIES" or something like that. It'd be a comedy involving the supernatural... yes that includes zombies. they are prominent in the story. I need to work on my zombie drawing... but I suppose after time and practice it'll get better.
BTW I'm a huge Zombie movie fan. So when Zombie land came out I was Uber ness happy. ^_^ he he. It took zombies in much the same theme I like to take them, comedy.
So I guess... get back to work to rewriting the story... cause I did rush the story a bit and I didn't like that at all. And this time I'll have more help with it... Ness was supposed to help but it's hard when you're on the other side of the country. Okay that's it for now... back to reading QC.
eh... I guess I can give mike some credit that if it's not JUST me doing EVERYTHING... the HTML, the story lines, the drawing, the advertising... Trust me a webcomic is not as easy as it sounds by yourself. Specially if you're going to try and get it done on time...
So what he wants to do is restart Graveyard shift. I'm a bit open to the idea... one I'd need to change the name a little... to something like "Graveyard shift: ZOMBIES" or something like that. It'd be a comedy involving the supernatural... yes that includes zombies. they are prominent in the story. I need to work on my zombie drawing... but I suppose after time and practice it'll get better.
BTW I'm a huge Zombie movie fan. So when Zombie land came out I was Uber ness happy. ^_^ he he. It took zombies in much the same theme I like to take them, comedy.
So I guess... get back to work to rewriting the story... cause I did rush the story a bit and I didn't like that at all. And this time I'll have more help with it... Ness was supposed to help but it's hard when you're on the other side of the country. Okay that's it for now... back to reading QC.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Suprising change of events
Maybe I'm just looking too far ahead but... well let me start. Today while I was looking at Emails I noticed that someone had left me an email from Monster Jobs about a job. I was asked if I had a Class D security License and that if I did to give them a call. I was like ... WOW! several months, and a bazillion job apps and suddenly I get an email about a job! Well of course I call, the person wasn't available at that exact moment but the other person let me leave them a message.
I go take a shower with my cell phone sitting near the tub... I checked the phone a few times excited to get a call... I was about ready to give them a call again if I wasn't called in another half hour. Well after the shower on the way to the room I was given a call. American Security I think it's called? Anyways I was asked a few things over the phone, you know an over the phone interview.
One thing I've learned about security, if they show interest in you as in ask you for an interview VERY good chance they are planning on hiring you unless there is something terribly and horribly wrong. Like you are obviously a klypto... the fact that I already have a security license is a BIG plus on them wanting to hire me. It doesn't hurt that I've had years of security experience.
I'm just hoping and hopping up and down in excitement that I'll have a job as soon as I get home from Washington. How Surreal would that be!? Because then after I get my first check mike and I would most deffenitly be able to look into moving out. He did say that as soon as I got a job we could move out. Hello job! Hello apartment of my own! ^_^ Then... then we can maybe look into a decent one bedroom place specially if I'm making a good deal of money. We'll keep working on saving up money as much as possible.
On a different note, Alicia watching CK obviously out, but that's okay it looks like we should hopefully be able to get Sam to watch her, bribing Rob to let her stay there and paying D to pop his head in once and a while to make sure that CK is okay... Cause if we come home and she's dead I'm going to cry and then I'm going to kill Sam... that or report him to animal cruelty... hell I could have him arrested. Better! But with D checking in on her I feel much better about it.
We'd just stick CK in with Cookie but we don't think either would like each other. Cookie doesn't like other cats and CK doesn't seem too partial to them either. Honestly she's a bully to the male cats here. LOL I don't mind. She keeps them out of our room which I like. Right now she's curled up with me on the bed while I type this... so obviously I have to stop on occasion to give her some pettys. ^_^ he he
I go take a shower with my cell phone sitting near the tub... I checked the phone a few times excited to get a call... I was about ready to give them a call again if I wasn't called in another half hour. Well after the shower on the way to the room I was given a call. American Security I think it's called? Anyways I was asked a few things over the phone, you know an over the phone interview.
One thing I've learned about security, if they show interest in you as in ask you for an interview VERY good chance they are planning on hiring you unless there is something terribly and horribly wrong. Like you are obviously a klypto... the fact that I already have a security license is a BIG plus on them wanting to hire me. It doesn't hurt that I've had years of security experience.
I'm just hoping and hopping up and down in excitement that I'll have a job as soon as I get home from Washington. How Surreal would that be!? Because then after I get my first check mike and I would most deffenitly be able to look into moving out. He did say that as soon as I got a job we could move out. Hello job! Hello apartment of my own! ^_^ Then... then we can maybe look into a decent one bedroom place specially if I'm making a good deal of money. We'll keep working on saving up money as much as possible.
On a different note, Alicia watching CK obviously out, but that's okay it looks like we should hopefully be able to get Sam to watch her, bribing Rob to let her stay there and paying D to pop his head in once and a while to make sure that CK is okay... Cause if we come home and she's dead I'm going to cry and then I'm going to kill Sam... that or report him to animal cruelty... hell I could have him arrested. Better! But with D checking in on her I feel much better about it.
We'd just stick CK in with Cookie but we don't think either would like each other. Cookie doesn't like other cats and CK doesn't seem too partial to them either. Honestly she's a bully to the male cats here. LOL I don't mind. She keeps them out of our room which I like. Right now she's curled up with me on the bed while I type this... so obviously I have to stop on occasion to give her some pettys. ^_^ he he
not too bad
Well I'm glad I haven't felt the need to hop on here and just start ranting and raving about how annoying the people in this house are. One big nice break is that because of Alicia's thoughtless and cruel comment she pushed Mike beyond his limits and he decreed to both me, his dad, and Alicia that we were both done giving her rides and helping her out. She'd been steadily working her way there... *shrug* I don't know what to say, you don't treat the people that help you out like crap. Nor do you bad talk them behind their backs to people who over exaggerate EVERYTHING like Kenny and Tina.
With not having to take Alicia to work or anywhere else anymore. It's nice that we can just enjoy the day to ourselves instead of wasting hours of our time giving her rides places since K and T like to bail every time they are needed. Also since I don't go out there are much (to give Alicia rides) I don't even run into the A holes all that often anymore. Not so fun being cooped up in a little room but it's better than the stress they cause. *nod nod*
Also I bought this thing called the Sea band. It helps with nausea caused by sea sickness and pregnancy's morning sickness. It's an elastic band with a plastic bead that presses down on an acupressure point on your wrist that fights nausea. The second I put it on I felt instantly better.
Well also knowing that I'll be flying home in a few days is a HUGE step towards an uber happy Michi. I've been happy snuggling up with Mike, since he's been sicky he sleeps more. And heck even in his sleep he tries to get me to snuggle up with him. It's nice on my belly and I just like the human companionship. CK is a wonderful companion too. We're hoping that we can convince his dad to feed her while we're gone. That's really all we need. I mean it'd be nice if he'd clean up her kitty litter box but that's okay. I've been waiting on mike to clean it like he said he would... >.> meh.
Mike is really trying to get me back into drawing my web comic. I think he's got stars in his eyes, I can't blame him I used to think that way when I used to read web comics a lot. Used to think I'd get real popular and stuff. Nah not really. Heh. I guess I can stay positive though right? Think, get lots of advertisement, stay positive, stick with it. I just need to get myself back into drawing the comic. I'm having a little trouble with the first page though... once I get that done I think I'd just start rolling with it. Not sure if I should write down a kinda story for it or not. I had a small group of fans for Graveyard Shift but the problem with it was that there were TOO many web comics with that name. So unless you have your own web server (Not using the free web comic ones) you might be a little ahead of the pack. I'm not going to like having to do HTML all over again though. Bleh bleh.
With not having to take Alicia to work or anywhere else anymore. It's nice that we can just enjoy the day to ourselves instead of wasting hours of our time giving her rides places since K and T like to bail every time they are needed. Also since I don't go out there are much (to give Alicia rides) I don't even run into the A holes all that often anymore. Not so fun being cooped up in a little room but it's better than the stress they cause. *nod nod*
Also I bought this thing called the Sea band. It helps with nausea caused by sea sickness and pregnancy's morning sickness. It's an elastic band with a plastic bead that presses down on an acupressure point on your wrist that fights nausea. The second I put it on I felt instantly better.
Well also knowing that I'll be flying home in a few days is a HUGE step towards an uber happy Michi. I've been happy snuggling up with Mike, since he's been sicky he sleeps more. And heck even in his sleep he tries to get me to snuggle up with him. It's nice on my belly and I just like the human companionship. CK is a wonderful companion too. We're hoping that we can convince his dad to feed her while we're gone. That's really all we need. I mean it'd be nice if he'd clean up her kitty litter box but that's okay. I've been waiting on mike to clean it like he said he would... >.> meh.
Mike is really trying to get me back into drawing my web comic. I think he's got stars in his eyes, I can't blame him I used to think that way when I used to read web comics a lot. Used to think I'd get real popular and stuff. Nah not really. Heh. I guess I can stay positive though right? Think, get lots of advertisement, stay positive, stick with it. I just need to get myself back into drawing the comic. I'm having a little trouble with the first page though... once I get that done I think I'd just start rolling with it. Not sure if I should write down a kinda story for it or not. I had a small group of fans for Graveyard Shift but the problem with it was that there were TOO many web comics with that name. So unless you have your own web server (Not using the free web comic ones) you might be a little ahead of the pack. I'm not going to like having to do HTML all over again though. Bleh bleh.
Monday, April 5, 2010
saddening
It's truly sad when you meet people who can't see past their own needs and wants. When there are nice people out there who help them and are nice to them they can't find it in themselves to return the favor. Instead they are only ever kind when they need something... Well sometimes even then they wont be exactly kind. Take Alicia for instance.
This morning on the way to taking her to work I had mentioned to her that the baby was okay and that I'd been off by a week. 7 weeks not 6. She told me something that gave me the impression that Mikes dad and everyone else in the house felt the same way as her as she told me there was no space in the house for Mike and I AND a baby and that we should get the fuck out. Not in those words exactly but... basically that's what she said. That was pretty painful... didn't say much for most of the ride to work... and all I could think was... wow... and ow... the people in the house hated me so much that even when it came to having a new baby family member they didn't care. In fact they wanted nothing to do with it.
Alicia certainly didn't give a damn. She'd already been lying about me behind my back to Kenny and Tina and kept making her lies bigger and bigger. Trying to cause problems. Well today when Mike and I were talking with his dad, he asked me she had passed on his message to me. HIS message had been that cats were a leading cause of problems for newborns. and here I had a gut wrenching feeling that he was telling mike that he wanted us out of there since a baby was on the way. When mike came back over to me (Yah he left the room to talk to his dad. I was in my PJ's at the time) I told him what Alicia had told me... I told him it wasn't THOSE words exactly, to get the fuck out. But that was basically the meaning behind it.(What I felt she was saying was: You and your baby are nothing but a hassle so go the fuck away. )
Mike was so angry at what Alicia had said he went and talked to his dad about what she'd said to me. He told his dad that we were done giving her rides or being if she couldn't be decent towards us saying these lies behind our backs and then saying things like this to our faces. He said she was no longer his sister. I felt pretty bad that I was part of the reason for this but.. to be honest she has been a pretty big bitch lately.
bleh... well at least the good news now. The secret is out. I made an announcement on Facebook so now just about everyone knows. If they care that is. Meh. and in a week I will be flying up to Washington, a nice B day present to myself to see my family again. ^_^ happy
This morning on the way to taking her to work I had mentioned to her that the baby was okay and that I'd been off by a week. 7 weeks not 6. She told me something that gave me the impression that Mikes dad and everyone else in the house felt the same way as her as she told me there was no space in the house for Mike and I AND a baby and that we should get the fuck out. Not in those words exactly but... basically that's what she said. That was pretty painful... didn't say much for most of the ride to work... and all I could think was... wow... and ow... the people in the house hated me so much that even when it came to having a new baby family member they didn't care. In fact they wanted nothing to do with it.
Alicia certainly didn't give a damn. She'd already been lying about me behind my back to Kenny and Tina and kept making her lies bigger and bigger. Trying to cause problems. Well today when Mike and I were talking with his dad, he asked me she had passed on his message to me. HIS message had been that cats were a leading cause of problems for newborns. and here I had a gut wrenching feeling that he was telling mike that he wanted us out of there since a baby was on the way. When mike came back over to me (Yah he left the room to talk to his dad. I was in my PJ's at the time) I told him what Alicia had told me... I told him it wasn't THOSE words exactly, to get the fuck out. But that was basically the meaning behind it.(What I felt she was saying was: You and your baby are nothing but a hassle so go the fuck away. )
Mike was so angry at what Alicia had said he went and talked to his dad about what she'd said to me. He told his dad that we were done giving her rides or being if she couldn't be decent towards us saying these lies behind our backs and then saying things like this to our faces. He said she was no longer his sister. I felt pretty bad that I was part of the reason for this but.. to be honest she has been a pretty big bitch lately.
bleh... well at least the good news now. The secret is out. I made an announcement on Facebook so now just about everyone knows. If they care that is. Meh. and in a week I will be flying up to Washington, a nice B day present to myself to see my family again. ^_^ happy
Sunday, April 4, 2010
scared and crying
I've looked all over the net and it's a mixed answer. before I went and took a bath I noticed as I was going to the bathroom that I was spotting brown blood. freaked me out a bit but then I started getting cramps... and it's getting worse and worse and worse. Now I'm crying afraid that I'm loosing the baby, like a part of me just knows that it's going to be lost and there is nothing I can do. I curled up in bed with mike sleeping in his cold medicine drugged state, he noticed me crying in his sleep and had me curl up with him while I cried... then I went looking on the net for some help.
Everyone says to go to the doctor... but the thing is... I can't! No health insurance, hell we need to take out a 150$ pay day advance just to pay our bills! (Because my Unemployment is paying me a week late.) I can't tell just now but I think I'm bleeding into my panties now... the pain is just getting so bad and so painful... owe.... maybe I should just run back out to the toilet...
Everyone says to go to the doctor... but the thing is... I can't! No health insurance, hell we need to take out a 150$ pay day advance just to pay our bills! (Because my Unemployment is paying me a week late.) I can't tell just now but I think I'm bleeding into my panties now... the pain is just getting so bad and so painful... owe.... maybe I should just run back out to the toilet...
curled up
I probably already mentioned this but Mike is horribly sick... and... ugh I don't... game didn't go the way I hoped... but then with the gaming group I'm with I shouldn't be all that surprised... First I thought we'd already had the game system set up. but then when I show up with a finished character sheet I find out that Rob and Sam don't want to play Besm... lo and behold... *sigh*
So then there is the LONG and rediculusly stupid argument over what system to go with. NO body wanted to agree with any system. It was obvious that Vampire old world, was the only system anyone was willing to play together but NOOOOO they had to play the game system that THEEEY wanted... ugh.... fucking baby's
then Dennis didn't want to play so now NO BODY is interested in playing... Finally they all decide they want to change the genre to make Dennis interested in the game. All the while D is in his room while they are talking about changing it. I say to them "Shouldn't we ask D if he's even interested in this? Maybe get his idea on things?" no body bothers to get up and tell him. So fine I'll do... and I get snapped at by D about how he JUST DOESN'T WANT TO PLAY, and we shouldn't change the genre just to make him interested.
So I back out and tell everyone that. finally Jimmy goes in there to talk to D, and D comes out to yell at everyone to stop being whiny baby's and just play the game and stop trying to change shit just so he can play. To grow up and to stop threatening to stop playing because he's not interested in playing. Then after I finish my character sheet AGAIN, I wait several MORE hours while everyone is dragging their feet about making character sheets. It was a fight to keep anyone interested in the game for very long.
Even with Jimmy Sting trying to keep Rob off the computer and off the video games... *deep sigh* ... then mike instead of going home from work decides to drive to robs apartment and sleep in the car so that I can go out and get something to drink so no one was willing to take me. The whole reason John was going to pick me up was to go to walmart to get food for the gerbils. It's been a freaking long ass day...
I just wish I had my own home so I wouldn't have to deal with the shit of sneaking past EVERYONE to get to my fucking room. everybody is asleep... no chance of taking a bath since the tub can't even drain out properly... so fun. ~_~ *Cry*
So then there is the LONG and rediculusly stupid argument over what system to go with. NO body wanted to agree with any system. It was obvious that Vampire old world, was the only system anyone was willing to play together but NOOOOO they had to play the game system that THEEEY wanted... ugh.... fucking baby's
then Dennis didn't want to play so now NO BODY is interested in playing... Finally they all decide they want to change the genre to make Dennis interested in the game. All the while D is in his room while they are talking about changing it. I say to them "Shouldn't we ask D if he's even interested in this? Maybe get his idea on things?" no body bothers to get up and tell him. So fine I'll do... and I get snapped at by D about how he JUST DOESN'T WANT TO PLAY, and we shouldn't change the genre just to make him interested.
So I back out and tell everyone that. finally Jimmy goes in there to talk to D, and D comes out to yell at everyone to stop being whiny baby's and just play the game and stop trying to change shit just so he can play. To grow up and to stop threatening to stop playing because he's not interested in playing. Then after I finish my character sheet AGAIN, I wait several MORE hours while everyone is dragging their feet about making character sheets. It was a fight to keep anyone interested in the game for very long.
Even with Jimmy Sting trying to keep Rob off the computer and off the video games... *deep sigh* ... then mike instead of going home from work decides to drive to robs apartment and sleep in the car so that I can go out and get something to drink so no one was willing to take me. The whole reason John was going to pick me up was to go to walmart to get food for the gerbils. It's been a freaking long ass day...
I just wish I had my own home so I wouldn't have to deal with the shit of sneaking past EVERYONE to get to my fucking room. everybody is asleep... no chance of taking a bath since the tub can't even drain out properly... so fun. ~_~ *Cry*
Saturday, April 3, 2010
16 hundreds and swashbuckling
I probably never mentioned this but thanks to a VERY wonderful history teacher in college I found myself falling in love with history. I've always been interested in medieval times and regency times in England and around the world. More recent history isn't as interesting to me as history before the 1900's. Anything after that is just... well a little boring to me. It's too recent.
So just think how much a gamer girl like me (Did I forget to mention that?) rolls around in bliss when I'm getting ready to play a table top game that takes place in the late 16 hundreds early 17 hundreds. I'm like a kitten rolling in a large batch of cat nip! ^_^ he he. last night to get away from the house for a while I went over to the TA were a friend of mine, John works. He works at he truck station, where trucks take a ticket and park. They have so many hours they can park but if they don't buy enough gas or items at the TA they need to pay 25$ on the way out. Normally not really an issue. So for the most part he does just about nothing and sits around watching TV. For a while there he had an xbox 360 set up and he was playing games at work.
Since his Aunt is his boss it's not really like he's worried about loosing it. heh. Anyways, out of all the guys in the gamer group I get along with john the best. D, known as Dennis, is mikes BFF from highschool... possibly sooner? so they think of each other as bro's. So me sitting there is kinda like I'm an impostor so sometimes I like to just kinda leave them to their ... what ever.
This weekend we have a friend of John's coming over from Spring hill, he's planning on ST'ing (That's Story Teller to those that don't know) the table top game. We're playing BESM 3rd ed (Known as Big eyes small mouth. It's an anime type of gaming system) since it's pretty easy to use it for just about ANY type of game and we're all a little bit more familiar with it. Last night around 11:40 ish which is just minutes before John got off work, I showed up.
Since he didn't have any big plans that he HAD to do we stepped off over to this picnic table that was sort of off to he side after his work. We talked for a bit but then he had to clock out. So while he did that I went pee, parked the car in the normal parking lot and met back up with him there. Jimmy called him and then both him and Jimmy got the idea to put him on speaker phone and so we started to talk more about the game. Where it was taking place, talking about history... you know what not.
Hell it was fun! I think we talked that way for about 45 minutes? had to stop before John's phone died... speaker phone takes a lotta power out of cell phones.
My character is this French aristocrat, the daughter of a Duke. She was stolen from her home by gypsy's when just a babe and when she got older, 10 or so, she was found by her father and taken back in. Normally this doesn't happen with rich aristocrat family but considering she was his only child and something had happened *Cough firing accident* that prevented him from ever fathering children again. From her experience as a gypsy she learned sword fighting, tumbling, and gypsy magic.
Secretly angry at her father for taking her away from her free gypsy lifestyle she continued to learn sword play and practice gypsy magic under her fathers nose. As the servants liked her they tended to keep this information from the Duke. Finally at the age of 16 she was married into a marriage of political interest for her father. Her husband not really caring about having a child for a wife and having only married for the convenience of it. Was more than happy to give his wife a stipend (Basically an allowance) and let her travel where ever while he enjoyed what he really wanted... which was to enjoy his mistress's.
Okay for those that don't know. It was all the rage (popular) for men to have a mistress and show her off and all, but it was considered outlandish and outright rude, to show off your mistress to your wife. especially in a political marriage it insulted your wife's family as well, which was a big no no. Since duels were more so permitted back then you might find yourself challenged to a duel and killed. They were highly frowned upon in the late 18 hundreds but some aristocrats still did it.
... anyways bleh. >.> ... so yah. Mike is too sick to go to game tonight. he doesn't want to get everyone sick like I did a few weeks back. (Still feel bad about that) so instead he's just going to work and after work he is going home. John is gonna stop by sometime and pick me up for game. take me to the store so we can get some pet food for the girls (Gerbils; Saffron and Celest.) They're all out and right now I'm just letting them nibble on the log. I didn't notice it but they'd been knocking their food bowl against he glass letting us know they were hungry and out of food. 0.0 gerbils are smart? who knew!?
I'm just glad that CK, our 7 month old kitten, isn't interested in going after them. She just watches them sometimes like a cat does looking at a bird outside the window. it makes them dream and they are happy. CK is a sweet kitty. ^-^ *purr purr*
Okay I should get ready to go now. *wave*
So just think how much a gamer girl like me (Did I forget to mention that?) rolls around in bliss when I'm getting ready to play a table top game that takes place in the late 16 hundreds early 17 hundreds. I'm like a kitten rolling in a large batch of cat nip! ^_^ he he. last night to get away from the house for a while I went over to the TA were a friend of mine, John works. He works at he truck station, where trucks take a ticket and park. They have so many hours they can park but if they don't buy enough gas or items at the TA they need to pay 25$ on the way out. Normally not really an issue. So for the most part he does just about nothing and sits around watching TV. For a while there he had an xbox 360 set up and he was playing games at work.
Since his Aunt is his boss it's not really like he's worried about loosing it. heh. Anyways, out of all the guys in the gamer group I get along with john the best. D, known as Dennis, is mikes BFF from highschool... possibly sooner? so they think of each other as bro's. So me sitting there is kinda like I'm an impostor so sometimes I like to just kinda leave them to their ... what ever.
This weekend we have a friend of John's coming over from Spring hill, he's planning on ST'ing (That's Story Teller to those that don't know) the table top game. We're playing BESM 3rd ed (Known as Big eyes small mouth. It's an anime type of gaming system) since it's pretty easy to use it for just about ANY type of game and we're all a little bit more familiar with it. Last night around 11:40 ish which is just minutes before John got off work, I showed up.
Since he didn't have any big plans that he HAD to do we stepped off over to this picnic table that was sort of off to he side after his work. We talked for a bit but then he had to clock out. So while he did that I went pee, parked the car in the normal parking lot and met back up with him there. Jimmy called him and then both him and Jimmy got the idea to put him on speaker phone and so we started to talk more about the game. Where it was taking place, talking about history... you know what not.
Hell it was fun! I think we talked that way for about 45 minutes? had to stop before John's phone died... speaker phone takes a lotta power out of cell phones.
My character is this French aristocrat, the daughter of a Duke. She was stolen from her home by gypsy's when just a babe and when she got older, 10 or so, she was found by her father and taken back in. Normally this doesn't happen with rich aristocrat family but considering she was his only child and something had happened *Cough firing accident* that prevented him from ever fathering children again. From her experience as a gypsy she learned sword fighting, tumbling, and gypsy magic.
Secretly angry at her father for taking her away from her free gypsy lifestyle she continued to learn sword play and practice gypsy magic under her fathers nose. As the servants liked her they tended to keep this information from the Duke. Finally at the age of 16 she was married into a marriage of political interest for her father. Her husband not really caring about having a child for a wife and having only married for the convenience of it. Was more than happy to give his wife a stipend (Basically an allowance) and let her travel where ever while he enjoyed what he really wanted... which was to enjoy his mistress's.
Okay for those that don't know. It was all the rage (popular) for men to have a mistress and show her off and all, but it was considered outlandish and outright rude, to show off your mistress to your wife. especially in a political marriage it insulted your wife's family as well, which was a big no no. Since duels were more so permitted back then you might find yourself challenged to a duel and killed. They were highly frowned upon in the late 18 hundreds but some aristocrats still did it.
... anyways bleh. >.> ... so yah. Mike is too sick to go to game tonight. he doesn't want to get everyone sick like I did a few weeks back. (Still feel bad about that) so instead he's just going to work and after work he is going home. John is gonna stop by sometime and pick me up for game. take me to the store so we can get some pet food for the girls (Gerbils; Saffron and Celest.) They're all out and right now I'm just letting them nibble on the log. I didn't notice it but they'd been knocking their food bowl against he glass letting us know they were hungry and out of food. 0.0 gerbils are smart? who knew!?
I'm just glad that CK, our 7 month old kitten, isn't interested in going after them. She just watches them sometimes like a cat does looking at a bird outside the window. it makes them dream and they are happy. CK is a sweet kitty. ^-^ *purr purr*
Okay I should get ready to go now. *wave*
Friday, April 2, 2010
Can't say much
Yah I can't really say much. I should have expected it, that the minute they came home they'd start doing what ever they could to be dicks... Here I'll explain a little. The Breeze, which is my father in laws car (both my husband and myself are on the insurance) was left here at the house while K and T were out for a few days. Alicia was taking forever in the bathroom taking a shower and I really needed to go pee. Mike was at work with the car, and since mikes dad was asleep I took the car down to Martin Luther King Jr. drive where the Walmart is. Not even a quarter of a mile away.
I figured borrow the car and while I'm there buy some triscuts. Since I'm preggers and salty crackers are good for your tummy. I pored out the pickle jar and counted enough change to buy it. By the time I got the change counted out, Alicia was out of the bath. So I went to the bathroom and borrowed the breeze to go to the store, got my triscuts and then came back. Alicia had noticed and txted Mike asking where I was going, so I told him. Walmart. no big deal right?
Well when K and T come home it has to be a HUGE issue... here let me quote their txt to me. "Just to let u know when u take the liberty upon urself to use other people gas in cars that don't belong to u maybe u should be courteous and replace the gas. As it is either u or anthony owe me 10$ for the gas that was used. I don't care who or when but I need that money asap"
... seriously? NOT THERE FUCKING CAR! And like driving less than a quarter of a mile is THAT BIG OF A PROBLEM...
Now remember when Alicia came to me early today complaining about how K and T had promised to take her to work and they never showed up? So I, being the nice sister in law that I am took her to work. Well now she is claiming to K and T that I drove all over the place when I borrowed the car to Walmart. I wasn't there at this time but... seriously? Mike told her what I had told him, and she says in a whiny voice "how would you know, you were at work" mike's response was "Because Michelle doesn't lie about were she's going"
That's it... seriously. I'm done being nice to those prics. I'm done giving Alicia a ride to anywhere. She can fucking figure it out herself. Maybe the brother she LOVES SO MUCH that treats her like shit, can take her everywhere. I'm going to have to talk it over with Mike and his dad but I'm going to tell her as much. If she can't stop talking shit about me behind my back, I'm not taking her anywhere anymore.
I'm done hoping that those prics will finally start acting decent BACK towards me because I'm treating them decently. But... that's it. I'm done.
Oh and the funny thing is. The only person that drove the car around IS THE FUCKING OWNER OF THE CAR! you freaking douche bags. the only person that it matters that I drove the car at all is the owner of the car. And my father in law doesn't give a rats ass.
*sigh* So... now I'm just pissed and upset... want to get away but... hell where the fuck do I go hmm? Ugh. I'm a little jealous of people I know that have so many friends that reply to their posts... When they are sad or upset or something... and they get posts... I don't get anything... ~_~ Lonely little unwanted girl.
I figured borrow the car and while I'm there buy some triscuts. Since I'm preggers and salty crackers are good for your tummy. I pored out the pickle jar and counted enough change to buy it. By the time I got the change counted out, Alicia was out of the bath. So I went to the bathroom and borrowed the breeze to go to the store, got my triscuts and then came back. Alicia had noticed and txted Mike asking where I was going, so I told him. Walmart. no big deal right?
Well when K and T come home it has to be a HUGE issue... here let me quote their txt to me. "Just to let u know when u take the liberty upon urself to use other people gas in cars that don't belong to u maybe u should be courteous and replace the gas. As it is either u or anthony owe me 10$ for the gas that was used. I don't care who or when but I need that money asap"
... seriously? NOT THERE FUCKING CAR! And like driving less than a quarter of a mile is THAT BIG OF A PROBLEM...
Now remember when Alicia came to me early today complaining about how K and T had promised to take her to work and they never showed up? So I, being the nice sister in law that I am took her to work. Well now she is claiming to K and T that I drove all over the place when I borrowed the car to Walmart. I wasn't there at this time but... seriously? Mike told her what I had told him, and she says in a whiny voice "how would you know, you were at work" mike's response was "Because Michelle doesn't lie about were she's going"
That's it... seriously. I'm done being nice to those prics. I'm done giving Alicia a ride to anywhere. She can fucking figure it out herself. Maybe the brother she LOVES SO MUCH that treats her like shit, can take her everywhere. I'm going to have to talk it over with Mike and his dad but I'm going to tell her as much. If she can't stop talking shit about me behind my back, I'm not taking her anywhere anymore.
I'm done hoping that those prics will finally start acting decent BACK towards me because I'm treating them decently. But... that's it. I'm done.
Oh and the funny thing is. The only person that drove the car around IS THE FUCKING OWNER OF THE CAR! you freaking douche bags. the only person that it matters that I drove the car at all is the owner of the car. And my father in law doesn't give a rats ass.
*sigh* So... now I'm just pissed and upset... want to get away but... hell where the fuck do I go hmm? Ugh. I'm a little jealous of people I know that have so many friends that reply to their posts... When they are sad or upset or something... and they get posts... I don't get anything... ~_~ Lonely little unwanted girl.
after the peace then comes the storm
Well truthfully it's more like a full out hurricane that lasts all day and all year long. *Deep breath* The douche bags. Known to most as Kenny and Tina, gave everyone else here at the house a nice break away from their ass holeness. I don't know where they went and honestly I really don't care. They didn't take the breeze with them, Which is actually my father in laws car, but Kenny treats it like his own and thus it is practically a piece of crap after everything that ass has put it through.
I was having trouble sleeping tonight, ran out of cold medicine and ran out of cough drops. Fighting nausea and coughing every time I lay down. My sister in law Alicia comes in and tells me that she had asked the two to take her to work yesterday. They had said yes but today they weren't showing up. She called them to see what was the problem and they said they'd be heading out in 30 minutes. over 40 minutes later they call her saying they are just about to leave. By the time they showed up, finished doing what ever they do (Because Kenny literally just twiddles his thumbs and prolongs things beyond what's even remotely okay.) and took her to work. She'd be late.
So since I was awake I took her to work instead. Sadly when I came back to the house after dropping her off from work there they were. Urgh... I'd been thinking just before I walked into the door that if they went into my room/closet while we were gone this 13th through the 19th. I would hunt them down and shoot them. It's a legit worry. I've watched as Kenny or Tina just BARGE into someone's room like they own the place. Grab something they want and then leave... typically leaving the door open so baby girl (my father in laws dog) can get in and piss and poo all over the place.
But while they were gone it was nice to have the kitchen clean. maybe one plate left over from either Alicia or mikes dad. Not really that bad. Kenny and Tina go through about 10 plates for just one meal. That's why within one day almost every single plate is in the sink. And they never clean up after themselves! NEVER!
I laugh at their attempts to tell us to clean up after ourselves and shit. After a while Mike and I got tired of their bull shit and started putting our dirty dishes in our room. Alicia does the same thing now so they can't bitch about our dishes being in there among their own. What's worse is that if they do start to clean up after themselves they only do half the job. They leave either half or 75% of the dishes sitting in soapy water with the sponge sitting in there as well. But since they never get back to it, that water becomes groooosssseeee... it grows shit, it starts to stink, and it destroys the sponge.
Also lets not get into just being able to cook. Some how they have some thing in their brain that lets hem know when mike and I are about to cook. So they start cooking, seeing as we're trying to be nice. We pull back and let them. They take 4 FUCKING HOURS! by then we're so tired we don't even WANT to cook. But as they were gone we were able to cook to our hearts content. No ass holes in there making it uncomfortable.
And when we were done cooking we just cleaned up the dishes after we were done and off we went. yay. Kitchen still stayed clean and no huge pile of dishes in the sink and on the counters. There was space in the fridge for once... oh forgot to mention they stuff about every corner of the fridge with their shit. They don't even EAT left overs but they certainly have it in the fridge taking up space everywhere. that includes the freezer.
I'm just hoping that they leave again. I want a few more days of respite from them. Mike and I got a few things from the groceries hoping we could cook them... and honestly I don't WANT to cook or even be in the living/kitchen with those ass holes there. I HATE being around them. They are such two fave conniving ass hole pot heads. HATES THEM! Heck if I ever had a chance to have them killed and get away with it. That would be all me!
... odd since I rarely HATE anyone. but man do I despise those two. The situation with them is so bad that mike just yells at me now when I get seriously upset about them and start to rant a little about how annoying and... EVIL they are. so it's nice to just vent it out... AhHhhhhh
Well... here's hoping I can get some sleep...
I was having trouble sleeping tonight, ran out of cold medicine and ran out of cough drops. Fighting nausea and coughing every time I lay down. My sister in law Alicia comes in and tells me that she had asked the two to take her to work yesterday. They had said yes but today they weren't showing up. She called them to see what was the problem and they said they'd be heading out in 30 minutes. over 40 minutes later they call her saying they are just about to leave. By the time they showed up, finished doing what ever they do (Because Kenny literally just twiddles his thumbs and prolongs things beyond what's even remotely okay.) and took her to work. She'd be late.
So since I was awake I took her to work instead. Sadly when I came back to the house after dropping her off from work there they were. Urgh... I'd been thinking just before I walked into the door that if they went into my room/closet while we were gone this 13th through the 19th. I would hunt them down and shoot them. It's a legit worry. I've watched as Kenny or Tina just BARGE into someone's room like they own the place. Grab something they want and then leave... typically leaving the door open so baby girl (my father in laws dog) can get in and piss and poo all over the place.
But while they were gone it was nice to have the kitchen clean. maybe one plate left over from either Alicia or mikes dad. Not really that bad. Kenny and Tina go through about 10 plates for just one meal. That's why within one day almost every single plate is in the sink. And they never clean up after themselves! NEVER!
I laugh at their attempts to tell us to clean up after ourselves and shit. After a while Mike and I got tired of their bull shit and started putting our dirty dishes in our room. Alicia does the same thing now so they can't bitch about our dishes being in there among their own. What's worse is that if they do start to clean up after themselves they only do half the job. They leave either half or 75% of the dishes sitting in soapy water with the sponge sitting in there as well. But since they never get back to it, that water becomes groooosssseeee... it grows shit, it starts to stink, and it destroys the sponge.
Also lets not get into just being able to cook. Some how they have some thing in their brain that lets hem know when mike and I are about to cook. So they start cooking, seeing as we're trying to be nice. We pull back and let them. They take 4 FUCKING HOURS! by then we're so tired we don't even WANT to cook. But as they were gone we were able to cook to our hearts content. No ass holes in there making it uncomfortable.
And when we were done cooking we just cleaned up the dishes after we were done and off we went. yay. Kitchen still stayed clean and no huge pile of dishes in the sink and on the counters. There was space in the fridge for once... oh forgot to mention they stuff about every corner of the fridge with their shit. They don't even EAT left overs but they certainly have it in the fridge taking up space everywhere. that includes the freezer.
I'm just hoping that they leave again. I want a few more days of respite from them. Mike and I got a few things from the groceries hoping we could cook them... and honestly I don't WANT to cook or even be in the living/kitchen with those ass holes there. I HATE being around them. They are such two fave conniving ass hole pot heads. HATES THEM! Heck if I ever had a chance to have them killed and get away with it. That would be all me!
... odd since I rarely HATE anyone. but man do I despise those two. The situation with them is so bad that mike just yells at me now when I get seriously upset about them and start to rant a little about how annoying and... EVIL they are. so it's nice to just vent it out... AhHhhhhh
Well... here's hoping I can get some sleep...
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Just gotta let things out
Maybe it's silly but I just write faster with the keyboard than I do with paper and pen. Plus it gets expensive journal after journal, but I can't seem to find a place that I can just write things out without my family getting a good look at it. Heck my friends probably shouldn't see it half the time... I say friends a bit loosely as they are all in Washington state while I'm stuck here in Tampa Florida.
Even though we keep in touch from time to time, long distance friendship just isn't easy. And honestly... I just don't have the gumption to go out of my way an initiate things with people. I'm not very social nor am I all that good with social situations. Even around my family, which is a very large family, I often hide in some room with a smaller group of family or just by myself. I've never been all that good with large groups not even large groups of people I know.
Considering how much of a NON social person I am I was very pleasantly surprised when my friends threw me a going away party. I didn't know they cared so much... I still wonder a little if it was just an excuse to have a party. *shrug* They took me to a nickle arcade where we all had a blast and I won a lava lamp. And then later we went to a bar and just hung out and talked. I was driven home so I had a few drinks.
Well anyways here in Florida... with my lack of social skills I've been pretty depressed and lonely. I got married to a great guy (dated 5 almost 6 years?) but it's been one bad living situation after the other. First we stayed with the couple Hail and Carry. They had a friend Sara sleeping on one couch. A little boy Drake, sleeping on a cot just outside their bedroom. They would have Sara act as a babysitter since she had no job and wasn't paying rent. She was an ex con for possession of Pot.
We shared the living room with her, Drake, and the whacked out cat that most definitely had fleas. We put up some curtains and set up a sorta room of our own in the living room but still it wasn't that great since it was just curtains holding everyone else back. There was no sound barrier separating us from everyone else. Hail was a complete Bully and would turn on me and make me feel like crap when ever he could. Throw his weight around like he owned the place (he didn't. Carry did. he was just her on and off again BF) Ooooh good lord don't even get me started on when they had sex. NOT QUITE. the whole house reverberated with it.
The worst time ever was when I came home early from work sick. Drake tried to pull on the curtains and almost had the metal bars come fall on his head. I told him no, and Hail starts screaming at me not to yell at "his son" (let me get this strait real quick. Drake is definitely NOT his son not legally or biologically) I tried to explain to him what was going on but he didn't care, just kept yelling at me that it was HIS house and that I had to do things HIS way. So... pissed off I asked him "Why?" he shoved his face right in mine and started yelling... hell by this time I didn't understand him. I was sick and shaking with fever at the time. When mike came home (Hubby, at the time BF) he was fucking PISSED.
Needless to say we got out of there as soon as we possibly could. We moved in with a couple, Tom and Mel. They seemed okay for the most part. A few little details about how they raised their kids and how they didn't fulfill their half of the bargain when it came to cleaning up. But other than that not too bad. Sometimes we'd share meals with them and vice versa. But then one day this girl Tara, who had gone to school with Mike shows up. She starts sleeping on the couch, with her several month old baby Emerald sleeping in the kids room. She was married but didn't want to be...
And apparently she had a crush on Mike and wanted me OUT of the picture. Not a fun situation. She treated me just fine in front of people but when no one else was around she was a Capitol B towards me. Despite my attempts to be nice. Made me a little happy when she over heard Mike and I during a love session and she stormed around in the living room all pissed off. No matter how many times we explained to her that he just wasn't interested she wouldn't get off it.
Basically the thing that was annoying the most at Tom and Mel's was that they almost always had people sleeping on their couch. Almost all of them were A holes and made living there a nightmare. The worst person of all though was Mels mother, she started turning Mel and Tom against us. Telling them these lies and shit, and you can admit a little bit that the woman was Mel's mom so she would be more willing to listen to her. But... basically she quickly made things worse and worse that finally we couldn't take it. We had been trying to save up for an apartment of our own but things just didn't work out.
We found ourselves sleeping in the Closet of mikes dad's place. *big deep sigh* A two bedroom apartment with six people living in it... Mike and I in the closet, Mike's dad in one bedroom, Alicia (Mikes sis) in the other room. And two downright horrible douche bags on the couch in the living room. Kenny and Tina... Pot heads, dipshits, stupid as all hell. And have no care for anybody else's property or items. It's so bad that I'm usually hiding in the closet we call a room. I really did not want to invite them to our wedding. I really didn't.
We've been stuck here in this living situation for nearly a year now. Thanks to three jerk wads at what used to be my job. Crystal and Hope, and then Brian Fisher. (any of you ever meet him? Give him a good kick to the shins and run. he's a two face lair) Okay situation there, Hope, who is the Best friend of Crystal, the onsite supervisor. (It's more a title than a position of power) ended up striking me. Knowing that the two were BFF's and from testemonial from everyone else at the work site. I went above crystals head to report the issue. Of course Crystals not pleased her BFF's in BIG trouble and she wasn't able to keep it quite before it became an issue. Honestly almost nothing was done as punishment and I lean a lot of that on Crystals shoulders.
Well after that situation I was harassed by the two constantly. I tried reporting it to Brain who was the guy in charge of all Mosaic work sites. He didn't do anything about it. But then I can't say much since he was the guy who threatened to fire me if I didn't pay for my TWIC card. Which is a card you are required by law to have in order to enter a Port. He would nit pic on any tiny thing. I go home early because I'm sick, he considered an entire day as a sick day off. I show up late (Happened ONCE) and that's counted as a missed day of work. That kinda thing. He would purposfully push things to be worse than they really were. And what really gets me...
Is that Hope and Crystal are CONSTANTLY showing up to work late. 10 to 15 minutes sometimes as much as half an hour. And you can't go home until they show up. I'd call the office to see what's going on and both of them would claim they were already there. That might be another reason they pushed so hard to get rid of me. Finally the straw that broke the camels backs.
It's a warm Florida morning, my hubby and I share just one car and he needs to go to work. So I wake up sleepily, throw on my hoody (still wearing PJ's) and drive him to work. On the way home my rear tire literally rips to shreds on the freeway. I have no phone, I'm in my freaking PJ's and I'm on the side of the freeway. I had a class to go to for work that day and then work later at 10. After the long treck home, I called work told them the situation. I asked around with the people I was living with if I could get a ride to work. An HOUR before work I finally am offered a car. So I call work and say "Hey I found a car so if it's okay I'd like to go into work"
They say "No don't bother. It's too much of a HASSLE to let people know not to cover your shift"
... I mean really... huh? This was Brian telling the new supervisor to tell me this even. The next day early in the morning I'm asked to come into work. I borrow my father in laws vehicle and drive up to work where I am presently fired. Hope and Crystal are there laughing and making sniping comments the whole time. Well I cry the whole way home, curl up in bed and cry more. I knew there had been nothing I could have done to change the situation but it still hurt...
so... months later, app after app and NOBODY IS HIRING! hell you'd think with a security license and a Twic card to boot that SOMEBODY would hire you right? WRONG! I've tried everything I can think of and nodda. Oh and don't get me started on the whole nightmare of finally getting unemployment. Securitas fought me every inch of the way. Even after unemployment ruled in my favor they still tried to fight it.
The situation has been getting steadily worse. Living situation and financial issues are having a huge strain on Mike and I's relationship. I've been forced to take antidepressants and I even tried to kill myself at one point... heck I'd been tempted to do it for a long time now. It was a BAD failed attempt and now I owe the hospital over 1 grand in hospital bills.
Oh and now I'm a month and a half pregnant. We were using protection, I'd been afraid to use Birth control pills since my mother had heart attacks when she took them. So I was afraid the allergy to them ran in the family. I'm the one most like my mother. So now... finances have taken an even bigger turn for the worst... NO medical insurance, a child on the way. No job and not even a phone call in site. I've been looking for programs for expectant mothers, I'd been told that they exist... Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places but I can't find any...
AS much as I've always wanted a kid. I didn't want one now... not while everything is falling apart around me. I can't even afford myself let alone a kid. Mike hasn't taken the news well... he wanted me to give it up for adoption but I told him I refused. I can't attempt to kill myself when there is someone else to worry about. That's about the only good news it brings... Other than it just means that Mike and I are never going to get some time to each other to nurture this relationship. We have yet to live in a place were it's just the two of us. No outside interference trying to tell us how to live.
This haven't been easy and now they are getting even harder than before... I know she's only 6 weeks along which means it's still really easy to loose her... but I don't know if I could handle loosing her on top of everything else. I know it's weird... we can't afford her and it was a complete accident that she even came to be but I'm already attached to her. I know how much harder it's going to make things but I don't want to loose her. (her being the baby)
in a little less than a week I'm going to be flying up to Washington to spend time with family and friends. It's my Grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. Mike and I thought everything was going to be just fine and dandy about his vacation time... but... I guess things got mixed up or something? He called HR and apparently he's not going to get his paid vacation days until June. So for the whole week we are gone he will not get paid. Like we had thought. We thought finances would be okay... but we were wrong. It's been a strougle... specially with him getting less and less hours. His store has been switched out with manager after manager and he's been promised to be trained to be the assistant manager a dozen times. Heck he's been trained to be one at least twice now and has acted as one before. But still no one will promote him to assistant.
We want to get out of this hell hole. Heck I want to move back to Washington. The people are nicer there. I have friends there, so if things just get too bad and I need somewhere to run off to I have a friend I can harass and cry on their shoulder until I feel better. I'd be around family, who would help me out. Just with little things but it's those little things when needed the most that mean so much. I've been homesick since the moment I moved down here and I still haven't gotten over it.
NO amount of prayers have helped... I've lost hope so many times... I wind up staring at the ceiling wishing I'd disappear. I've also wished on this little framed picture of a fake 1 million dollar bill. And wished that I would win or receive that much. at once or within a year. I'd put serious thought into it too.
Pay off all my medical bills. get my credit and Mikes credit back in the green. Pay my dad back and then some for the money he's lent me. give Mikes dad some money as thanks for putting up with us for so long. (Get Kenny and Tina thrown in jail for possession of pot? ... I wish, but apparently it's not that big of a deal down here unless they have uber large quantities of it. and they don't)
Move back to Washington, buy a decent repossessed house. Go back to college and get my bachelors degree. Got my associates but it doesn't really help much in getting a job. Have Mike go to college too, and find the kinda careers that we would really love. Oh... right and since we have a baby... um... get "Baby learns to read" so she/he can start to learn early. Spend lots of time with him/her when we can and bug my cousin Tara to watch her when we are at class or work.
I'd also probably get the "total Gym" so that after the baby was born I could work off all the baby fat and get into good shape. Since I'm already pretty badly over weight. The whole depression thing hasn't helped any. I'd get it now if I could but we have no space in a closet nor the free money to spend on it.
So that's the sum up of my life right now... I guess I might write more later. Ja
Even though we keep in touch from time to time, long distance friendship just isn't easy. And honestly... I just don't have the gumption to go out of my way an initiate things with people. I'm not very social nor am I all that good with social situations. Even around my family, which is a very large family, I often hide in some room with a smaller group of family or just by myself. I've never been all that good with large groups not even large groups of people I know.
Considering how much of a NON social person I am I was very pleasantly surprised when my friends threw me a going away party. I didn't know they cared so much... I still wonder a little if it was just an excuse to have a party. *shrug* They took me to a nickle arcade where we all had a blast and I won a lava lamp. And then later we went to a bar and just hung out and talked. I was driven home so I had a few drinks.
Well anyways here in Florida... with my lack of social skills I've been pretty depressed and lonely. I got married to a great guy (dated 5 almost 6 years?) but it's been one bad living situation after the other. First we stayed with the couple Hail and Carry. They had a friend Sara sleeping on one couch. A little boy Drake, sleeping on a cot just outside their bedroom. They would have Sara act as a babysitter since she had no job and wasn't paying rent. She was an ex con for possession of Pot.
We shared the living room with her, Drake, and the whacked out cat that most definitely had fleas. We put up some curtains and set up a sorta room of our own in the living room but still it wasn't that great since it was just curtains holding everyone else back. There was no sound barrier separating us from everyone else. Hail was a complete Bully and would turn on me and make me feel like crap when ever he could. Throw his weight around like he owned the place (he didn't. Carry did. he was just her on and off again BF) Ooooh good lord don't even get me started on when they had sex. NOT QUITE. the whole house reverberated with it.
The worst time ever was when I came home early from work sick. Drake tried to pull on the curtains and almost had the metal bars come fall on his head. I told him no, and Hail starts screaming at me not to yell at "his son" (let me get this strait real quick. Drake is definitely NOT his son not legally or biologically) I tried to explain to him what was going on but he didn't care, just kept yelling at me that it was HIS house and that I had to do things HIS way. So... pissed off I asked him "Why?" he shoved his face right in mine and started yelling... hell by this time I didn't understand him. I was sick and shaking with fever at the time. When mike came home (Hubby, at the time BF) he was fucking PISSED.
Needless to say we got out of there as soon as we possibly could. We moved in with a couple, Tom and Mel. They seemed okay for the most part. A few little details about how they raised their kids and how they didn't fulfill their half of the bargain when it came to cleaning up. But other than that not too bad. Sometimes we'd share meals with them and vice versa. But then one day this girl Tara, who had gone to school with Mike shows up. She starts sleeping on the couch, with her several month old baby Emerald sleeping in the kids room. She was married but didn't want to be...
And apparently she had a crush on Mike and wanted me OUT of the picture. Not a fun situation. She treated me just fine in front of people but when no one else was around she was a Capitol B towards me. Despite my attempts to be nice. Made me a little happy when she over heard Mike and I during a love session and she stormed around in the living room all pissed off. No matter how many times we explained to her that he just wasn't interested she wouldn't get off it.
Basically the thing that was annoying the most at Tom and Mel's was that they almost always had people sleeping on their couch. Almost all of them were A holes and made living there a nightmare. The worst person of all though was Mels mother, she started turning Mel and Tom against us. Telling them these lies and shit, and you can admit a little bit that the woman was Mel's mom so she would be more willing to listen to her. But... basically she quickly made things worse and worse that finally we couldn't take it. We had been trying to save up for an apartment of our own but things just didn't work out.
We found ourselves sleeping in the Closet of mikes dad's place. *big deep sigh* A two bedroom apartment with six people living in it... Mike and I in the closet, Mike's dad in one bedroom, Alicia (Mikes sis) in the other room. And two downright horrible douche bags on the couch in the living room. Kenny and Tina... Pot heads, dipshits, stupid as all hell. And have no care for anybody else's property or items. It's so bad that I'm usually hiding in the closet we call a room. I really did not want to invite them to our wedding. I really didn't.
We've been stuck here in this living situation for nearly a year now. Thanks to three jerk wads at what used to be my job. Crystal and Hope, and then Brian Fisher. (any of you ever meet him? Give him a good kick to the shins and run. he's a two face lair) Okay situation there, Hope, who is the Best friend of Crystal, the onsite supervisor. (It's more a title than a position of power) ended up striking me. Knowing that the two were BFF's and from testemonial from everyone else at the work site. I went above crystals head to report the issue. Of course Crystals not pleased her BFF's in BIG trouble and she wasn't able to keep it quite before it became an issue. Honestly almost nothing was done as punishment and I lean a lot of that on Crystals shoulders.
Well after that situation I was harassed by the two constantly. I tried reporting it to Brain who was the guy in charge of all Mosaic work sites. He didn't do anything about it. But then I can't say much since he was the guy who threatened to fire me if I didn't pay for my TWIC card. Which is a card you are required by law to have in order to enter a Port. He would nit pic on any tiny thing. I go home early because I'm sick, he considered an entire day as a sick day off. I show up late (Happened ONCE) and that's counted as a missed day of work. That kinda thing. He would purposfully push things to be worse than they really were. And what really gets me...
Is that Hope and Crystal are CONSTANTLY showing up to work late. 10 to 15 minutes sometimes as much as half an hour. And you can't go home until they show up. I'd call the office to see what's going on and both of them would claim they were already there. That might be another reason they pushed so hard to get rid of me. Finally the straw that broke the camels backs.
It's a warm Florida morning, my hubby and I share just one car and he needs to go to work. So I wake up sleepily, throw on my hoody (still wearing PJ's) and drive him to work. On the way home my rear tire literally rips to shreds on the freeway. I have no phone, I'm in my freaking PJ's and I'm on the side of the freeway. I had a class to go to for work that day and then work later at 10. After the long treck home, I called work told them the situation. I asked around with the people I was living with if I could get a ride to work. An HOUR before work I finally am offered a car. So I call work and say "Hey I found a car so if it's okay I'd like to go into work"
They say "No don't bother. It's too much of a HASSLE to let people know not to cover your shift"
... I mean really... huh? This was Brian telling the new supervisor to tell me this even. The next day early in the morning I'm asked to come into work. I borrow my father in laws vehicle and drive up to work where I am presently fired. Hope and Crystal are there laughing and making sniping comments the whole time. Well I cry the whole way home, curl up in bed and cry more. I knew there had been nothing I could have done to change the situation but it still hurt...
so... months later, app after app and NOBODY IS HIRING! hell you'd think with a security license and a Twic card to boot that SOMEBODY would hire you right? WRONG! I've tried everything I can think of and nodda. Oh and don't get me started on the whole nightmare of finally getting unemployment. Securitas fought me every inch of the way. Even after unemployment ruled in my favor they still tried to fight it.
The situation has been getting steadily worse. Living situation and financial issues are having a huge strain on Mike and I's relationship. I've been forced to take antidepressants and I even tried to kill myself at one point... heck I'd been tempted to do it for a long time now. It was a BAD failed attempt and now I owe the hospital over 1 grand in hospital bills.
Oh and now I'm a month and a half pregnant. We were using protection, I'd been afraid to use Birth control pills since my mother had heart attacks when she took them. So I was afraid the allergy to them ran in the family. I'm the one most like my mother. So now... finances have taken an even bigger turn for the worst... NO medical insurance, a child on the way. No job and not even a phone call in site. I've been looking for programs for expectant mothers, I'd been told that they exist... Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places but I can't find any...
AS much as I've always wanted a kid. I didn't want one now... not while everything is falling apart around me. I can't even afford myself let alone a kid. Mike hasn't taken the news well... he wanted me to give it up for adoption but I told him I refused. I can't attempt to kill myself when there is someone else to worry about. That's about the only good news it brings... Other than it just means that Mike and I are never going to get some time to each other to nurture this relationship. We have yet to live in a place were it's just the two of us. No outside interference trying to tell us how to live.
This haven't been easy and now they are getting even harder than before... I know she's only 6 weeks along which means it's still really easy to loose her... but I don't know if I could handle loosing her on top of everything else. I know it's weird... we can't afford her and it was a complete accident that she even came to be but I'm already attached to her. I know how much harder it's going to make things but I don't want to loose her. (her being the baby)
in a little less than a week I'm going to be flying up to Washington to spend time with family and friends. It's my Grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. Mike and I thought everything was going to be just fine and dandy about his vacation time... but... I guess things got mixed up or something? He called HR and apparently he's not going to get his paid vacation days until June. So for the whole week we are gone he will not get paid. Like we had thought. We thought finances would be okay... but we were wrong. It's been a strougle... specially with him getting less and less hours. His store has been switched out with manager after manager and he's been promised to be trained to be the assistant manager a dozen times. Heck he's been trained to be one at least twice now and has acted as one before. But still no one will promote him to assistant.
We want to get out of this hell hole. Heck I want to move back to Washington. The people are nicer there. I have friends there, so if things just get too bad and I need somewhere to run off to I have a friend I can harass and cry on their shoulder until I feel better. I'd be around family, who would help me out. Just with little things but it's those little things when needed the most that mean so much. I've been homesick since the moment I moved down here and I still haven't gotten over it.
NO amount of prayers have helped... I've lost hope so many times... I wind up staring at the ceiling wishing I'd disappear. I've also wished on this little framed picture of a fake 1 million dollar bill. And wished that I would win or receive that much. at once or within a year. I'd put serious thought into it too.
Pay off all my medical bills. get my credit and Mikes credit back in the green. Pay my dad back and then some for the money he's lent me. give Mikes dad some money as thanks for putting up with us for so long. (Get Kenny and Tina thrown in jail for possession of pot? ... I wish, but apparently it's not that big of a deal down here unless they have uber large quantities of it. and they don't)
Move back to Washington, buy a decent repossessed house. Go back to college and get my bachelors degree. Got my associates but it doesn't really help much in getting a job. Have Mike go to college too, and find the kinda careers that we would really love. Oh... right and since we have a baby... um... get "Baby learns to read" so she/he can start to learn early. Spend lots of time with him/her when we can and bug my cousin Tara to watch her when we are at class or work.
I'd also probably get the "total Gym" so that after the baby was born I could work off all the baby fat and get into good shape. Since I'm already pretty badly over weight. The whole depression thing hasn't helped any. I'd get it now if I could but we have no space in a closet nor the free money to spend on it.
So that's the sum up of my life right now... I guess I might write more later. Ja
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