Is this the best that I'm ever going to get? A roof over my head, food in my belly, no income and ever constant grief and depression. Every day it's a struggle not to cry and scream at the unfairness of the world. Even knowing that there are others out there worse off than me... even though I know that it will only make me better and stronger in the long run. I hate it... I hate the tears, I hate the grief. Today was the second time I was tempted to steal from the store. I walked away from the items that were tempting me but still... the temptation was there. I even though of a way to do it...
But I'm not going to give into that temptation. I'm not going to risk my life, my family's life, just because of some electronic item that I don't actually need. It's not going to make my life any easier, there is no reason to even want to steal it. *sigh* I guess... since Mike and I have been stolen from so much lately, I felt a little... I don't know... I can save up my spending to buy the item that I thought about stealing. I can wait, or I can just go without...
Maybe I thought, if I got caught stealing I could go to jail and that would be one way of running away... I didn't want this... I didn't want to live with no income, with too much responsibility and no way to fulfill them. Being left on my own to raise my child because my husband is too caught up in his stupid World of Warcraft game... again. I haven't gotten any unbroken sleep for quite some time now. Not since he got sick with a cold and has been using every excuse he can think of to not help me. And then blaming me while he's at it.
When I'm not just... kind of numb... or fighting off tears, I think about running away. Or about how my marriage is falling apart. I hate being in the situation that I am in, I hate that we are so bloody poor. That we have no home... no place safe. I just want to go home...
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